" REALITY vs EXPECTATION"

Hello earthlings!!

How's everyone doing? Been not updating this site for more or less a month and basically I'm just really busy with school works and assignments. There are some other reason behind that actually stopped me from blogging I, myself experiencing very low confident stage in my life. I started to doubt whether am I on the right track on doing what I really love doing and passionate about. By the way, I'm not intending to spread negativism on this site or anything, but I find that there's actually a need for me to pen down jumble of emotions that have been bugged for me over the past few weeks. 

I'm just an ordinary girl with least level of confidence. Words from my friends or people around me can affect my decision disregard how long I take to reach that decision or how much I have prepared for it.  Failing to meet expectation of people is probably one of the biggest fear in my life. I care too much on how other people will look at me so I always try to perform well in order to meet expectations from others. But meeting others' expectations are certainly hardest thing to fulfil cause everyone one of us has different expectations.So I blame myself for incapability.  

 I started blogging since 2012 and it's my 3rd year of blogging. I've heard a lot of comments from people around me. Some of them tease me of having such so called "blog", and

some of them even laugh at me saying that "Haiya!!! why u blog? U want to get famous is it?

or "Why did u spend your precious time on managing a blog? No one has the time to read also la." statements that related to popularity issues. I've heard a lot of it like seriously a lot. 

These comments enough to make me sobbed or even sleepless cause no one seem to appreciate my hard works or efforts. I need to make declaration here. I blog because this is what I'm love in doing at. I share all my happy moments in my life here, how joyful is my previous trip and attach it with some basic information that may let each and everyone of you walk away with some information or tips about that country, or how is my daily coordinates will be like. No one can simply tease and laugh at me because you've got no idea how much effort I've been putting in from the day 1 since I started my blogging journey.

I feel insecure most of the time, I scare of not doing well most of time, I care too much on how others look and judge at me so that's explain why I push myself too hard sometimes. During this period of time while I'm fighting with my internal battles, I can hardly find any motivations that keep me moving on. I feel like the whole world has stopped but in fact it's not. The clock still ticking and other people may even move quicker than me. So the only heal for me is to keep moving, with stronger personalities now.

On a side note, I'm feeling thankful and blessed when everyone around me try to be supportive in everything I love doing. Feel gratitude to have them around even though I was in the midst of finding the correct way previously. Thank you so much :')

Have a great weekend everyone. and thank you so much for reading my ramblings.

With love, Serene.